“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." ~ Calvin Coolidge, 29th President of the United States of America
"Get busy living; or get busy dying."~ Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) -- The Shawshank Redemption (1994).
The last few weeks and months have been rough and difficult.
I've subjected myself to situations and circumstances in which I should have known better, but have since accepted my appropriate share of my consequences and have actively sought out measures to achieve productive and progressive solutions.
As most of us already know, the job market is tough right now. In addition to finances, retirement, benefits, and job security -- this challenge can lead to further adversities in nearly all other facets of life unless addressed confidently, responsibly, and tenaciously by each of us.
I've been aggressively pursuing career work for some time, and in the meanwhile, engaging in some other personal, self-employed business opportunities. But things are certainly *NOT* where they need to be...not yet, at least.
I am more resigned to let my credentials and experience speak for themselves, and rather than to frantically pursue whatever I can get, to instead wait patiently for the best opportunity to finally see and recognize who and what I'm all about and to have them come looking for me.
But it's tough. It's certainly frustrating, but it's not a problem or a catastrophe -- it's merely a challenge -- a challenge I'm ready, willing, and able to accept with distinction, excellence, and poise...
“Opposition is a natural part
of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming
opposition - such as lifting weights - we develop our character muscles
by overcoming challenges and adversity.” ~ Stephen R. Covey
I'm pursing ceaseless opportunities, including the United States Army in order to gain some sense of traction, as an officer in either an HR or Intelligence capacity. Not my most desirable solution, but it's better than nothing if it comes to signing my life and individuality away in order to become United States property and, thereby, to make progress.
Many other options are still out there, but few doors remain open -- except those that seem almost *too* willing to take "all comers."
School is not progressing as well as I wished. I'm feeling SO adrift in that department. I'm doing what I've got to do, but I'm not getting out what I put into it.
Now, please, don't take this all the wrong way. I've got my fair share of challenges, as do many. And I realize my circumstances in comparison to many if not most don't nearly compare to those losing their homes, their pensions, their marriages, their hopes, their health, and even their lives.
I'm just saying here's how it is. It's not about playing the world's smallest violin or woe-is-me. It's being in that ever familiar position of being in the corner and hearing life's bell ring, thus, telling me to come out of my corner shortly after taking some of life's harder and harder hits only to dauntlessly and fearlessly endure however many more blows are about to be delivered. "Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It
is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a
worthy purpose." ~ Helen Keller And so, with my purpose in heart and mind, I press on.
I have so much to be thankful for despite my hardships. But even then, such hardships make for excellent teachers. All it takes is a willingness to slow down for a moment, silence the everyday hustle-and-bustle, and to listen to that quiet whisper of joy and happiness that is always within and never without -- never worthy of our futile efforts of "finding" or "seeking" it -- but which, while always there, never could get a word of wisdom in edgewise over all the constant rush, daily demands, and flustering commotion.
“Your living is determined
not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to
life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks
at what happens.” ~ Kahlil Gibran
And thank you all for taking your time to ready and/or think this over. It's always nice to clear the air and lay out some things going on.
But, if you'll excuse me...even a man of my stature, albeit of few means, must -- moment by moment, day by day, opportunity by opportunity -- once again set out to get busy living...
I must say in fairness to most of you, I sincerely wish the circumstances of this post would be less critical, serious, and confrontational. But there comes a time when one must do what he must, and adhere to the duty of his conscience and values.
Firstly...
A quick acknowledgment to the faithless, the doubters, the critics, the jealous, the scornful, the condescending, the know-it-all's, and to those who have no time to tend to much beyond their vain and cowardice judgments, pompousness, lordliness, haughtiness, self-importance, and/or imperiousness...
Clear non-verbal language, tone of voice, and hospitality are no disguise for what lies beneath the surface of the substance. It's more transparent than a smile, a wink, a gesture, an invitation, or some type of welcoming.
Secondly....
To the doubtful and/or testy...
Boy, have I've got news for you!!
I don't back down -- I fight back, I fight hard, I last longest, and I *ALWAYS* succeed. Ain't cocky if you can consistently back it up. Remember, I'm a fighter? Catch that? Relentless. Determined. Tenacious. Indelible. Implacable. Defiant. Pernicious. Virulent.
I *do not* intimidate. I cannot be exploited, beguiled, and/or hoodwinked.
Oh, and if you test me or doubt me -- try me -- and find out the vicious and disconcerting truth.
Lastly...
If you want to get in my way of progress, bring me down to lift your pathetic self up from relentless envy, if you want to doubt, to gossip, or to systematically and decrepitly criticize me behind my back -- like an august person would brave to do -- to my face, ears, and eyeballs aside from such wretched weaklings, then -- should the opportunity arise -- prepare to be a sordid casualty of contempt in a long, forgettable, and countless list of those ho came before.
I love each and all of you who stand by me and *even* have the strength to put me in my place because I know at the heart of the matter you heavily care about me and my general welfare as well as ours. My appreciation for your, your support, your requirements cannot and will not ever be justified or replaced by words, but by evidence and proof -- for which I will fight endlessly.
And for those who don't, for those too spineless, too corrupt, and too morally debased to directly communicate or negotiate with me -- to those condemned to your own self-absorbed interests and contaminated state of sub-being -- a suitable prison, especially for those amidst the utmost of their denials and failures of trust, ethics, morality, dignity, principle, purpose, and character is quite a fitting accomidation.
Well...try to enoy such cravveness, so long as it suits you.
Meanhile, I'll be surpassing such things with honesty, dignity, trust, maturity, growth, and happiness.
English translation from Al-Nawawi's Forty Hadith, 13...
-- "None of you truly believes (in Allah and in His religion)
until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself" --
English translation from the Jerusalem Talmud, Sanhedrin 4:1...
-- "Whoever destroys a soul, it is considered as if he destroyed an entire
world. And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an
entire world." --
Citing the latest Fox News source above:
"The United Nations agency in
charge of Palestinian refugees said at least 51 of the dead were
civilians. The three-day death toll rose to 320, including seven
children under the age of 15 who were killed in two separate strikes
late Sunday and Monday."
"...a rocket fired from Gaza killed a man and wounded seven in the Israeli
town of Ashkelon on Monday, the Israeli Army said. Three Israelis were
also stabbed by a Palestinian in a Jewish settlement in the West Bank,
the army said.
...Militants in Gaza fired barrages of rockets and mortar shells the
farthest yet into Israel on Sunday. One rocket fell in Gan Yavneh, a
village near the major port city of Ashdod, almost 20 miles north of
Gaza. Two landed in the coastal city of Ashkelon. Several Israelis were
wounded." The latest, according to the Jerusalem Post:
"Palestinian sources reported Monday night that at
least 350 Palestinians had been killed and more than 1,600 had been
wounded since the beginning of the IDF operation in Gaza.
The United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian
Affairs said that the fatalities included at least 20 children, nine
women and 60 other unarmed civilians."
“Your living is determined not so much
by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by
what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.” ~ Kahlil Gibran
Once again to be as clear as possible, but also to be properly understood...
Please, I encourage you all who have privately and quite generously expressed your concerns towards and about me and my possibly being in a virulent situation.
In fact, I am not.
I merely expect more...much more...of myself than I do of any of you.
I haven't been getting it, and it has seriously frustrated me.
However, the fact that I'm even questioning whether or not I'm "living" rather than "existing" suggests that I am relentlessly striving towards representing the former.
So here's what I see:
Aware of what is around me, I have been able to - as an ordinary person - remained fortunate enough to extraordinarily rise above both typical and adverse circumstances in many of my life's sectors. Most proudly, I have done so in the treasured company of so many other incredible people, rather than to be or seem so arrogant as to presume myself as being above any of them or any of you. Instead, I stand as I always have -- right alongside you -- grounded, in our blessed fellowship.
Therefore, I shall overcome my present conditions, amidst these challenging times -- often the toughest for me -- to be greater and more successful than those who have ever been in my way, openly jealous and condescending of my accomplishments, shown themselves as my most slanderous and careless critics, who have been my betrayers and false friends, who have been my character assassins, and who have -- by their words and deeds -- demonstrated themselves to be one day forgivable, but presently of vacant character.
Behind the illusions and grandeur that customarily accompany and envelop this holiday season, I am and have always been able to see through to the true and greater meaning at the core. I see appreciation. I see togetherness. I see even the unseen, things have never been that must be brought into being.
I also see some people growing up, but in doing so, also growing apart. I see those refusing to grow up, young and old, regardless of age, set in their ways, in their traditions, and - unsurpirisingly, but sadly - in their chronic discontent.
I see people desperately grabbing what they can get at and from the world, in exchange for their very own soul. I see people amassing vast fortunes of money, materials, awards, acquanintances, comforts, influence, celebrity, ignorance, selfishness, piety, ego, etc. Yet I see fewer and fewer people accumulating the spiritual wealth and capital of the soul, the kind that cannot be bought or purchased. It can only come by appreciating what you have, rather than getting that which you haven't. It can only come by loving those around you, with respect for your differences, and appropriate attention to your commonalities. It can only come by being giving, kind, thankful, hopeful, and caring during each and every one of the other 364 calender days. It really is importantly - and you will get absolutely no argument from me on this - not the season of giving, but the *spirit* of giving! And spirits, unlike seasons, aren't on set schedules. They're constant and everlasting, not momentary or ceremonial.
All of this seems obvious, really even cliche by now. And I'm sure you've heard it all before. But have you seen it, how often, and how much? Have you stopped for a moment to observe whether or not such an assumed seasonal spirit is really manifesting itself in people lives, words, actions, and choices? Is it really so obvious? Is it so common? Has it become more or less noticeable? Or, honestly, are some of you even aware of what's going on? It's called "the most wonderful time of the year" for a reason, but as I suggested before, what this time reasons itself to me is to wonder whether or not it truly is wonderful? And during this time, are we also so wonderful? And if perhaps, by and large, we are; then are we also as such on December the 26th and all the following days?
I'm fully aware of remembering "the reason for the season". But is it really enough to remember? Or didn't Jesus ask us to go forth with what we faithfully believe in, to live His example rather than simply recall it or set up ornaments about it or Him? And, once again, I don't remember there being a single date set to go about fulfilling the reason for all of this. That came as no commandment from God, but rather an act of Congress in 1870, signed into law by President Ulysses S. Grant.
From where I sit: Nothing remains hopeless or impossible for those both daring and willing to risk seeking and seizing opportunities, boldly cognizant and fearless of any and all potential victories and defeats, that the timid and fainthearted souls walking amongst us shall not once in their mousy lives ever know. Not one thing remains hopeless for those who rightfully and justifiably earn and command respect and leadership amongst the least, lowest, and under-appreciated persons, as opposed to those who silently or by complicity cohort themselves alongside personal and professional degeneracy, surround themselves with parasitic cronies, and who supplant their own personal and professional interests above their fellow people, servants, volunteers, donors, their purpose & mission, and even above their plainly stated values & principles.
Although, I can scarcely lay blame upon such persons referenced above, as such collusion and skulduggery is more easily appealing now-a-days and to make themselves more enticingly attractive to their peers and/or the general public by their debased willingness to sustain and at times even represent the status quo. But to distinguish such persons with any innate sense of nobility or venerated titles that they have, indeed, fully abandoned, betrayed, and/or malignantly vilified does not warrant even the most minute acknowledgment of dignity or honor.
Authority grants you nothing besides power and position, and position is as replaceable and removable as a tablecloth; while power, as we know, can and does corrupt, and, ergo, propagates corruption. But leadership cannot be replaced or removed except by those who rise even higher above those who have come before, and even then, they knowingly stand in an illustriously casted shadow as well as upon the shoulders of giants. One type tears others down; the other type builds others up. One drives; the other inspires. One critiques; the other encourages. One sits on your back; the other stands by your side. One directs the way; the other joins you in your journey. One rules by force; the other by love. One shakes your hand; the other shudders and steals your heart.
This is what I see.
Be assured, Jacob Duckett, as he has always done and will always do, shall turn troubles into triumphs. That's how I've been able to overcome and disprove my critics, to gladly enrage my enemies, to win the affection of children, to support and inspire those who felt as hopeless as I once often did, to utterly rebuke each and all of my sanctimonious detractors, to reach down and lift fallen and forsaken people up, and to humbly stand alongside some of the greatest people inhabiting this earth - many of them, considered as common, I consider my heroes.
Of myself, I expect nothing less...
“The harder the conflict, the more
glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is
dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in
trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow.” ~ Thomas Paine
I have a few things, but really very little to say, here and now, concerning and during what has consistently been, as far as my feelings on the matter in my past eight or so years are concerned, the most trying and difficult times in all of my young adult life.
Firstly, please bear in mind that I am wholly blessed by the aid, comfort, and generosity of many persons in my precious family in addition to my cherished friendships which I hope to keep going and growing onward. Yet, beyond that, I am so gracious and thankful for the support and gifts that have been kindly provided to me, by word or materials, on the afternoon of yesterday, as well as in all of my twenty-seven yesterdays since I was fortunately born into such caring, loving, and supportive souls by which I have the distinct honor to acknowledge each as: "friends & family".
Certainly, I espouse and profess to others the true meaning, spirit, and wonderment of this particular holiday season. And I hope that in my expressions, even just one person I'm able to reach can connect with my beliefs and understandings towards a better life and even finer tomorrows. However, I reserve no such praise, joys, and/or consolations for myself.
Over the past eight years or so, I have always felt appreciated by those most dear to me, but I must confess to you, clearly and honestly, regarding my feelings: that I've also never felt so "different", "aberrant", disassociated, alone, compartmentalized, and greatly misunderstood as I am so now and have equivocally and provably been, in my past, by being hastily and hurtfully characterized; and, furthermore, branded during several such times as these -- during which the "reason for the season" abandons every and all manner of reason up until the point that I simply dread the "season" itself.
I do not suggest or intend any of my language to even remotely hurt, defame, condemn, or assail itself against the actions or intentions of any others, be it one or many; but rather only to reflect upon my deep and personal perspectives regarding this supposedly, and as it appears to me, fraudulent, claim to be "the most wonderful time of year." My only wonder is in how swiftly we can get this allegedly "wonderful" season behind us.
This has and is, but for a minor few, the *hardest* time of the year for one such as I as well as others in my position. And I know that I shall overcome all of this as I have for the past twenty-seven years of my life, all the while I was told I was not smart, skilled, able, strong, or good enough to be where I am now. Simply put, I have no other choice than to excel, much as the words within the Shawshank Redemption film so appropriately put it: "Get busy living; or get busy dying."
However, as I have and will sincerely wish you one and all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, I concurrently and willfully reserve no such fleeting merriment or happiness for me; because no such merriment or happiness has thus far manifested itself or existed for me amidst my entire adult life. Only ceremony. Only rituals. Only customs. To me - only fancy and fallacy. But genuine merriment? Welcoming a Happy New Year? No. Not for me. Just nothing. Absolutely nothing. As you kiss, hug, or embrace another upon the upcoming and inevitable passage and welcoming of 2009, please know that I have never -- not once -- felt the embrace, intimacy, or romantic warmth of another during any such times or instances in *any* of my twenty-seven years of life -- which I more increasingly call into question as being nothing more than moments of existence instead of anything closely related to "life".
I honestly hope such pleasure and merriment that in past years has evaded me, finds its way to those of you who want and need it greater than I obviously do and likely ever will.
